Going Live on Instagram a Whim: Why I've Committed to 30 Days
On judgment, regrets, abandonment, and other things that dull our shine
So I’m trying an experiment.
I’ve committed to myself that I will go live on Instagram for 30 days.
If you would have asked me to do something like this a year ago, six months ago – I would’ve said, “No way.”
Putting myself out there for all to see – LIVE – in the moment without any editing magic? Hard pass.
Because allowing myself to be seen, to be visible as my real self – well, I haven’t always embraced that fully for all to see. It’s that fear of when I open up as my full self, I’m also opening myself up to be judged.
And throughout my life, the idea of being judged negatively or disliked has been so uncomfortable.
However, something started happening in the past many years as I’ve gotten older. I started asking myself: Is there something more to fear other than being judged in a bad way or … just not liked?
Yes.
It’s the fear of abandoning myself over and over in order to please everyone.
It’s changing myself depending on the situation in order to fit in and be liked.
When I abandon myself in order to please others, when I allow others to define me or dictate my worth – that is something to fear.
How to Move Forward?
So, I started allowing myself to absorb the idea that I’m not for everyone. And … everyone isn’t for me, either.
It’s taken me time to work through this (still working on it) – and this is where self-inquiry, meditation, books, journaling, writing, and connecting to something greater than myself helps.
What I realize more and more (and need to continually remind myself) is that any judgment about me is not actually about me. It’s about the other person. We are all a mirror to each other. So what you see in me, is also what you see in you.
How do you see me? Whatever it is – that’s you.
We are either reflecting each other’s light, or we are looking in a mirror at our own shadow.
So, Why Go Live?
Going live on Instagram for 30 days, this is where 20 seconds of courage comes into play. When I don’t overthink and jump in, I often find magic in this space. Or at least, a teachable moment.
It was in those 20 seconds of courage that got me to press the “Live” button on IG after I saw a video by the delightful interior designer Rachel Moriarty saying that she was doing this challenge. I immediately said, “Me, too.” No overthinking, just doing. (I love Rachel — we did our live together for Day 2 of the challenge.)
I realize that in the scheme of things, this is not a big deal. To me, though, it’s another step in my allowing. My allowing myself to step outside of my comfort zone. To see what magic may unfold. My son asked me, “What will you talk about every day?” To that, I answered, “I don’t know. I’ll see where inspiration takes me.” It might be fun, it might be boring, it might be juicy, it might be weird, it might be joyful, it might be blah. It’s all good.
You’ve probably heard me talk about regrets. I think often about the book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware, and how the number one regret of the dying is “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” This regret echos within me and has become a guiding light.
Let’s not let that be our legacy.
Let’s allow ourselves to be seen.
All our parts. Let’s have the courage to live a life true to ourselves. Or at least, let’s keep trying for that intention. Some people will celebrate that, others not. That’s not for us to worry about. There are far more interesting and important things to fill our brain.
Let’s allow ourselves to walk the line of what’s true to us – and allow ourselves to be seen while doing it. Don’t you want to witness people in their authenticity? I do. I write all of this really as a reminder to myself.
So, be silly. Be serious. Be an introvert. Be an extrovert. Be loud. Be silent. Be bold. Be soft. Be talkative. Be quiet. Be moving. Be still. Be scientific. Be artistic. Be joyful. Be grieving. Be new. Be old.
Be original. Be you.
Shine on, you light holder.
Join me on IG for this challenge: @laurie.gunning.grossman