Carpe Denim: We See What We Want to See
by Laurie Gunning Grossman
“We only see what we want to see, and hear what we want to hear. We don’t perceive things the way they are. We have the habit of dreaming with no basis in reality. We literally dream things up in our imaginations.” – Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
This week I posted a story on Instagram about how I was excited about a new filter they offered. In my mind I saw “Carpe Diem” and did a whole Story about seizing the day. Thinking it would be, what? Inspirational? Action-inducing? Come on, guys, let’s go for it! I’m so cute.
Little did I realize, until one person messaged me through IG, that it actually said, “Carpe Denim.” Oh.
How did I miss that?!
My eyes and brain transcribed “denim” to “diem.” I was excited about the idea of seizing the day. I’m definitely not excited about seizing denim.
I realized that I saw what I wanted to see.
As you can see in this video, the whole experience gave me a great laugh. Something that I probably would’ve felt embarrassed about even just a couple years ago. Making an obvious mistake in public? How mortifying.
But – it actually wasn’t mortifying. It was real. It was human. It was funny.
Thinking about this topic made me consider a book I recently re-read called “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. Ruiz is a healer who teaches esoteric Toltec knowledge and wisdom.
In the third agreement, “Don’t Make Assumptions,” Ruiz says, “We only see what we want to see, and hear what we want to hear. We don’t perceive things the way they are.”
So, yes, this can be a detriment when we’re assuming things about other people, about how they are thinking or what they are doing. Misunderstandings happen, we can feel anxious, we take things personally… we create problems out of our imagination!
However, we can also use seeing what we want to see to our benefit. That is, if we hardwire our brains for seeing the good in things, seeing opportunities, seeing beauty, seeing love. Basically, training ourselves to recognize when something positive happens.
So, how can we hardwire our brains to lean more in this direction?
A few practices can help:
Gratitude: Keep a daily gratitude journal. The key is to write something different every day, ideally in the morning. Focus on even the small things, like that first sip of your morning coffee in your favorite mug. Or the way your pet did something cute that made you laugh. I personally love Spirit Daughter’s The Daily gratitude journal.
Meditation: You can find guided meditations on positivity online, or simply choose a practice that feels best to you. A daily meditation practice is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself. The EOC Institute says that “in order to manifest positive experiences into your life, you must change your thoughts, which must be done from the root: the subconscious layers of the mind.” And this is where meditation can help. My favorite forms of meditation right now are Transcendental Meditation and meditations offered by Dr. Joe Dispenza. Currently I do Dr. Dispenza’s Morning meditation just about every day, and mix in some TM.
Be in Service: According to the Mayo Clinic, volunteering “reduces stress and increases positive, relaxed feelings by releasing dopamine.” Spending time in service to others helps people feel a “sense of meaning and appreciation … which can have a stress-reducing effect.”
Keep a Positivity Journal: I started doing this at the top of 2023 where every night before bed, I review my day and write down all the positive things that happened to me throughout my day. And just like writing daily gratitude, these can be small things, like hearing the birds outside my window, or seeing a friend for coffee and having a wonderful conversation, or parking at a meter that had time left on it! This helps to hardwire our brains to look for these experiences every day.
Connection to Something Greater Than Ourselves: Believe that you are held, guided, and supported by something greater. It could be nature, the Divine, the Universe, the quantum field, the moon – whatever works for you. Trusting in the unknown can reshape how we experience the world in a more loving, expansive way.
Thank you for your time! Keep holding the light.
xoxo